Recommended focus: Ages 11+
Discuss the rapidly approaching changes and challenges of puberty with your “tween.” The more you initiate and discuss now, the fewer surprises you’ll have later on. Both you and your child need to prepare for what’s ahead (i.e. physical changes, mood swings, self-consciousness and need for peer acceptance).
Get The Kit
To help you get started, this kit includes a guide that offers practical tips and what we consider the best resources on the topic. We’ve also provided a two-part audio titled The Talk and an Early Adolescence Frequently Asked Questions summary.
View and download the kit below or pick one up in the Home Life Center located in the Welcome Center.
When: Often parents are concerned that they will overwhelm their preteen or encourage premature curiosity if they jump the gun in preparing them for adolescence. A greater concern, however, is the likelihood that someone else will beat you to it. Children are typically ready before their parents are, usually around eleven years old. Of course, not all children are the same. That’s why it’s important to spend time with your preteen getting a sense of where they are developmentally. Ask God for wisdom about the timing of your conversations.
What: You should plan to address the many areas of change your son or daughter will encounter during the transition to adulthood, especially bodily changes, decision-making and the changing relationship to you.
- Body: It’s important to frame the physical changes ahead as much more than a plea for sexual abstinence. Your son or daughter needs a vision for how these internal and external changes will prepare the body for the joys of marriage and the miracle of creating new life.
- Decision-making: Increasingly, your child will need to make and assume responsibility for his or her own decisions. As you maintain your overall family values in media choices, individual responsibilities (chores, homework, etc.), drugs and alcohol, you also need to direct your son or daughter in how to make wise decisions in areas of health and integrity. The first nine chapters of Proverbs can help guide an early teen on choosing wisdom over folly.
- Relationship to you: Consider explaining to your preteen that over the next decade your role will progressively change from a teacher to that of a coach. You will begin to guide him or her in the transition toward independence. It is also a great time to intentionally foster relationships with other Godly adults who can influence your child’s life.
How: Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Set aside a special time or trip with your child to go through one of the recommended resources for joint discussion.
- Listen to the audio titled The Talks available online at fbca.org/adolescence for examples of what to say.
- Create an environment for open communication for your child to share, talk and discuss with you.
- Listen! Allow your child to share thoughts and questions without being judgmental or quick to give a lecture.
- Have fun. Your child is much more likely to listen and be open with you if you have established a good relationship by creating fun times.
Intentional Faith Path Plan
How will you be intentional this next year?
__ Pray daily for and with my child.
__ Consistently spend time in God’s Word.
__ Bless my child daily.
__ Create a habit of worship with my child.
__ Serve together as a family.
__ Schedule a special time to discuss the upcoming changes.
__ Other: ___________________________________________
Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson
Emergency Response Handbook for Parents by Group Publishing
So You’re About to be a Teenager by Dennis & Barbara Rainey
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp
Five Conversations You Must Have series by Vicki Courtney
– with your Daughter
– with your son
Ready for Adolescence Family Night Tool Chest from heritatgebuilders.com
First Baptist Church Ministries
ANSWER: Every child is different, but you know it is time to discuss purity if any of the following is true…
- Your adolescent child shows interest in having a girl/boy friend
- You notice texts, emails, Facebook posts, etc. from the opposite sex
- Your child has any sort of online access including a home computer, mobile phone, iPod Touch, iPad, and other electronic devices
QUESTION: How can I talk to my daughter about modesty in a fun way.
ANSWER: Go on a shopping trip together and discuss fashion and basic guidelines to tell if something is modest or not. Let them go through the list and tell you what they feel comfortable with. Suggested guidelines:
- Fingertip length on shorts/skirts
- Practice sitting (watch the back of bottoms)
- Swimsuit (jump up and down and make sure everything stays in)
- Tops must fully cover breast/cleavage even when bending forward
QUESTION: How do I help my child set good boundaries for internet/online social media?
ANSWER: Set a time to discuss the following questions with him/her:
- What is a healthy/appropriate amount of time per day to spend online?
- What guidelines will keep our identity and personal information private?
- What kinds of pictures are/aren’t appropriate to post? (i.e. no swimsuit or pajama pictures or pictures with too much skin showing)
- Emphasize the importance of never responding to someone online we don’t know in person.
QUESTION: How do I protect and help my child in the temptations they face with technology and media?
ANSWER: Even if you believe your child is not yet tempted, take the following proactive steps…
- Do not allow your child to have a computer or television in his/her room.
- If your child has a mobile device or phone, have them turn it off and plug it in the kitchen a certain time each night.
- Limit and monitor all text messages.
- Put parenting controls on your television.
- Be careful of the shows/television that you watch in the company of your child to avoid sending mixed messages.
- Check services such as pluggedinonline.com for content details on any movies, music and television shows they want to watch.
- Set controls/accountability on all computers, phones and other electronic devices in your home using services such as the following…
QUESTION: How can I expose my child to the influence of other Godly adults to reinforce what we are teaching at home?
ANSWER: When a child enters the adolescent years it becomes important to help him or her glean from the example and influence of other Godly adults, some of whom may become important voices into your child’s life when he/she reaches the rite of passage step of their Faith Path. A few suggestions…
- Start with extended family including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Invite Godly relatives to take an interest in your child’s activities by attending his/her concerts, games, award assemblies, etc. Ask them to invite your child to breakfast or ice cream once in a while to connect and speak into his/her life.
- When you eat meals with Christian friends invite your adolescent son/daughter to sit at the adult table rather than with the kids. Simply including him/her in these conversations can help establish a bond with other Godly adults.
- Introduce yourself to the student pastor and/or a small group leader and ask who he/she considers Godly leaders and volunteers in the student ministry program. You might consider offering to volunteer in the student ministry in order to get to know other adult leaders who might be willing to take a special interest in your child.
- For more ideas on inviting the influence of other adults into your child’s life read Parenting Beyond Your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof.